Sometimes I feel like I am present while I parent, other times I am anywhere except here. This morning gone. This evening back. Owen stepped on Ivy’s hand this morning while we were all getting ready. I got mad and started talking nonsense as she is crying her head off…what if I wasn’t nice to you, how would you feel, I don’t feel like helping you get ready, have you gone insane, blah blah blah. I feel like the guilt building with each sentence. With each word the sensible side of me is saying “Breath, stop, he is 4”. The side of me that is late and sees everyone in pajamas with no breakfast while they are crying is saying more nonsense.
We forget about the incident and make our way to school. While I am work I bring myself back to myself, the self I like, the self that helps the 4 year old through his issues not makes them worse. I text Kristi and tell her that if he is nice to Ivy all day I will have a surprise when he gets home. I get periodic texts throughout the day, “Owen wants you to know he is being really good today.”. At the end of the day the report is in – he was so good.
As I am on my way to get them I call Greg to find me a pirate hat and a treasure and I am prepared to make a treasure map when we get home (just after I nurse Ivy so I don’t explode). I drew some awesome pictures and put a Hershey’s Kiss at each spot on the map. I gave him the new hat and we took the map to find our treasure.
He was so excited. He played in his hat all night with his coins.
There was no fighting, no crying, no arguing about pajamas, no yelling, no discussions about brushing teeth (well ok, a little one here but I don’t want to ruin the good mood).
After finding the treasure, he immediately found a hat for Greg and I. Pretend pirate hats of course. Owen was the first mate, me the second mate, and Greg the last mate. (doesn’t the hat yell out “last mate”).
Amazing what a little positive reinforcement does rather than ranting and a whole lot of nonsense.
4 comments:
You are not alone. I TOTALLY get it. This happens to me more times than I can count in a week - the saying things that you don't mean to say, all the while the little voice in your head is screaming at you to pull it together. And like in your post, it usually happens on the mornings that we have school and it is all we can do just to make it out the door with clothes on and teeth brushed, never mind whether or not we are on time. Ugh! Next time all I'll have to do is imagine the "2nd Mate" in his pirate hat and I'm sure I'll abruptly stop the nonsense talk and start laughing my tail off. Thanks!!
Oops, I guess I should've said "Last Mate," forgot Ivy came in 2nd.
I love the idea of "last mate." And yes, I think the hat on Greg does ring out the idea of last mate, although I do think Greg looks good in pink too! But mostly I think it is so awesome that you are so conscious of these two "mother sides" that sometimes struggle. I think it means much less that you say some nonsense once in a while than the fact that you are so aware of these critical differences and that you can switch to this other perspective so relatively quickly, then making beautiful amends that will mean so much more than the nonsense! What wonderful, loving parenting! I am very proud of your clarity and movement when so many parents get caught up in and stay with the nonsense. Awesome job! And thanks for such honest too!
By the way, I LOVE the HAT!
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