Writing used to be something that I loved to do and I felt like I was good at it. I am not sure anymore, and yet, almost daily I feel bad that I don't have something to tell me what we have been doing for the last 3 or 4 years. I am not sure what I am afraid of or why it suddenly feels so hard. It just seems like I have spent more time reading about other people's lives instead of writing about my own.
I have been watching other people lose weight, go on hikes, do yoga, eat healthy, and do all the other things that I wish I were doing, including writing it down. And here I sit, reading about it.
So today, I am going to try to write something about my life. I do this occasionally and I write a big proclamation about how I am back and it is time to write, and then I write a post or possibly half a post and then I stop for another year. I can't promise anything, but for today I will write something.
I really need to remember King Jenga in my life. Autumn has had an invisible boyfriend for years, probably since she was about 3. His name is King Jenga. They have broken up a few times and he started dating Bridgette, but came back to her. She speaks invisible language and has all kinds of other friends that show up in her life from time to time. She used to sit at the kitchen counter and suddenly declare, "Ok, fine" and then turn her head to kiss King Jenga. She let us know that he wanted a kiss. She told Ivy and me today that they drive really slow in invisible, sometimes the speed limit is 3. I have no desire to drive in Invisible.
Ivy is gone today. She is helping Noni with 159 shirt orders for the school. I thought it would be a good idea to give a choice of color, a girl frog or a boy frog, and your name on the back. Turns out that many variables makes for a longer project. I sent Ivy to Angie's house today to see if she can help and keep Angie from going insane. Ivy makes the perfect assistant. She understands the process of things and she can participate more than just following directions. My dad keeps waiting for the day that Ivy can work for him and be his assistant.
Owen is 14. I learned once in my parenting classes that I took when Owen was little, that when kids get older, you can just take away the 1 and that is about the age they are. So for example, Owen is 14, take away the 1 and Owen is 4. That sounds about right. The constant singing, humming, dancing, and acting like he owns the place is driving me crazy. He lives life like his head is in the clouds. I think most of the things that come out of my mouth to him are not kind and yet, he leaves to his friend's house and all I can think about is when he will be home and think of all the reasons I can call him back. I sent him to Noni's house today to play while Ivy worked. Hopefully a little cousin time will ground him some.
I started taking a meditation class the end of September and it is one of my favorite things I have done in a long time. We have done a mala meditation, a sound bath, a journey, a meta meditation, candle gazing, and a chakra one. It is often a little out of my comfort zone at times cause I have this weird thing about slowing down. It is like I have some weird internal conflict that if I slow down, I won't know who I am anymore, and here am I always drawn to something slower. I find myself looking forward to my class each week, more than I look forward to anything else. That tells me something. Now, it is just time to stop being afraid and start incorporating more of what I learn to my life. I have been known to study and read and learn and then forget to implement, sort of like reading other people's facebook and instagram posts and forgetting about my own.
Ok. There, one blog post. I am winning at life now. I can rest easily tonight.
